I Just Don't Get It!

Now, for anyone who has spent more than a day in Japan, the small portion problem can be more than a little annoying. But for someone who has been here almost 10 years it has become par for the course and with a little use of 'evade' skills can be thwarted, and when it does occur; these days gets little more than a sigh.
I was however dumbfounded by this one. Sitting on the new rooftop restaurant at Keio department store in Shinjuku and felt like a coffee. 350 yen, about average for a department store cafe. I could smell the fries so perused the menu and saw they were 400 yen (about $4.50). I knew they would be a little small but decided that it was worth the risk.
As the old dude brought them over and placed them on the table (complete with toothpicks?) Inson and I simultaneously stared agape at them and then at the guy before he trundled back into his kitchen. Now it may not be clear from the picture but that is a saucer not a plate and as photos can be deceptive I put my hand next to it for scale. The sauce sachet is the giveaway. There are 13 chips, at least 4 of which are just crusty bits. Lets say 8 good solid chips. That makes them about 60 cents each. I remember looking at the old dude thinking, 'Wipe that smurk off your face you old git. Don't make me come over there!' How can someone with any dignity actually bring themselves to take an order like this to a table. This wasn't a flash cafe. It was like those outdoor beach snack shops with a few tables and a tarp to keep out the rain and sun. The place had just re-opened after rennovation too. As expected there were very few patrons but about 30 tables so the manager obviously expected lots of people.
What really gets me though is trying to picture the meeting of manager and owner deciding the menu and portions.
Manager brings out his idea of a good serving of chips,'Now I think we can really impress the new clientele by giving them 14 small chips for 400 yen. What do you think Mr Sato?'
Sato san scratches his combover staring at the saucer of chips. He walks around it once fingering his stubble, one hand in the pocket of his Aoki suit. He crouches down to view it from the fries' perspective, 'You say the cost to us of making this dish will be about 30 yen? Can't we shave a bit more off. The margin's too small for my liking.'
The Manager, now sweating a little tries another tack,' Well we could make 5 of the chips just the crunchy bits that congeal around the filter of the deep-frier?'
'Hmm. I like that, I like it a lot but I would be much more comfortable with one less chip as well as your inspired suggestion.', says the Owner.
The manager nervously adds, 'It would, of course, probably cause any who order it to never come back to our establishment and thus cause us to have absolutely no good-will or reputation and cost us millions more than the 20 extra yen it would cost us to make a meal people would come back for and hence pay our salaries and make you wealthy.'
'Yes you have a good point there. To spend a minute amount more would surely create a vast amount of patronage for many years to come and a early retirement for me and an executive position at the department store for you....but that extra chip has me ill at ease. Lose the chip, or you lose your job.'
And so David sits staring at his meagre rations wondering if Inson is going to steal one and if so will it be the big one on the right.


And on another note, Do you think the singer Shania Twain knows how to import images from her scanner to photoshop?

The Real Story.

For anyone who has been visiting Bag-O-Phun (Bags Blog) recently, you will notice that it has recommenced operation for which we should all be grateful. Bag's rapier wit has been sorely missed on the blogosphere. I do however, regretfully, have to give a modicum of shit to kebber for his outrageous comment regarding the need for me to (and I quote) 'shut the fuck up' after a witticism regarding the fact that Bag could with a few small posts, once again surpass his poor effort. It has come to my attention that Kurt is under the illusion that if you post once a month, you have the right to give shit to others who may be a few days tardy. May I remind Kebber, in the form of this Excel chart I put together after collating the data, that his post factor is well below Bag and as far as giving me shit is concerned..well, I'll let the figures speak for themselves. Any who would like to join me in providing a looking-glass to Kurt with which he can glean (the cube) some understanding about the true nature of bloggage and his role in this pursuit, feel free to comment.
Oh and if he tells you to look at his blog any more, just mention the graph. And ask him if he would be interested in a nice big cup of shut-the-fuck-up.
As for The Shirk Zone, it showed so much promise. Only 7 posts though and you would overtake Kurt.

Spare a thought

Have you ever taken the time to consider the hardships that must be faced by people who have rude, mean or simply bad heads. If you are handicapped or mentally challenged there are support services, govt benefits and community awareness. But if you have a rude head you receive no sympathy, help or support. You will be prejudiced, laughed at in private and won't be able to find sex easily. It may only be a small thing like a slightly large forehead or eyes a little far apart but if it crosses the' rude' threshold, you will be relegated to a segment of society that has no status.
I have known rude headed people in my time and known this to be true. They may not be directly scorned but they know who they are. They have to face (excuse the pun) their own head every day in the mirror without anyone to tell them it's going to get better or to help them fit in.
And lastly, some food for thought. If you had a rude head would your friends tell you. Maybe you do and don't know it. Maybe your own ego protects you from that knowledge or at least clouds your judgement.
So if you look into the glass of your monitor and see the reflection of Mac the Knife, my condolances to you.

One more thing. If you want to know just how civilized we really are as a species, take a look in the nearest public toilet, preferably one in a park or near the beach.

Lack of Ramblings

OK, time to get this thing going again. I would have said resuscitate but I'm too scared to try spelling it. (used a spell checker). I will stress less about including pictues. That's what has been causing me to avoid postage. So here's some serious rambling.
During training at work I have been urged to 'Activate the schema' in my classes. I would like to do this but can't find the control panel for mine so it will go unactivated.
If you believe they put Lamonde on the moon, are you too easily duped?
What do you think the following things taste like:
1. The spice melange
2. Luke Skywalkers food that Yoda eats
3. Yodas food that Luke doesn't eat
4. The food that Dave Bowman and Frank Poole eat on Discovery
5. The small creature that The Baron squeezes and eats from a glass container
6. The elven bread that Frodo and Sam eat on the trip to Mordor.
7. The blue (?) milky juice that Luke drinks on Uncle Owens farm.